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It’s amazing how many women often find themselves caught in the unfortunate position known as the ‘Friend Zone.’ The ‘Friend Zone’ is the uncomfortable position that causes you to become temporarily suspended between the platonic origin of friendship and the desired, blissful destination of intimate relationship. Unfortunately, all women ARE susceptible to this position or state of being. The ‘Friend Zone’ does not discriminate based on looks, financial status, spiritual maturity or intelligence.

As a woman, you are guilty of nothing more than allowing the wiring of your innate desire to read into signs that may or may not be true indicators of the interest level a man has for you. What are some of the signs to look for in order to assess whether or not you fall into this category? Consider these…
• You have established a great friendship, have grown to learn so much about his personal life, you find him attractive, but things have been this way for months…maybe years!
• You talk to him regularly and the pattern of communication resembles that of two people in a relationship.
• You find yourself reaching out to him when exciting things happen in your life, but his reaction never confirms anything other than platonic or brotherly joy for you.
• You are someone he feels comfortable going to for advice about various areas of his life, but he never includes you outside of a consultative role.
• You serve as a sounding board for the successes and/or challenges he experiences in his other relationships.
• You have had outings (e.g. lunch, dinner, coffee) with him, but there is never a clearly defined romantic or intimate ‘feel’ to them.
• You are often introduced to others in a way that is difficult to interpret (“This is my girl (said in the sister-like tone)!” “This is someone very close to me”, etc.)
• You seem to never have a settled feeling on where your relationship stands with him.

The above list highlights some signs that indicate your candidacy for the ‘Friend Zone.’ A man may never be forthcoming about his feelings towards you even though he fully understands that you may have an interest in him. Many men are willing to accept what you offer them and may choose the cowardly option of NOT addressing the situation as long as you don’t bring it up. Because he has not made a direct signal to you, he feels no obligation to clarify the situation.

Also, if a man never makes a direct move at trying to spend time with you, it is an indicator that he does not have an intimate level of feelings for you. Once he becomes proactive at initiating opportunities to spend time with you, you can then begin processing his intentions for your friendship/relationship.

Don’t make the mistake of reading too much into a friendship because more often than not it will result in disappointment. When you absolutely have to have an answer to the question that’s burning deep inside of you JUST ASK HIM! However, be prepared for the disappointing answer you are likely to receive. No…he’s not too shy! No…he’s not in denial! No he’s not gay (well maybe)! The reality is he’s just not that into you!

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The problem with asking “How far can we go?” is that if we want to positively pursue godliness, it’s simply the wrong question. What that question really asks is “How close to the line (sexual sin) can I get without crossing it?” The problem is that Scripture explicitly tells us not to try to “approach” the line at all, but to turn and run from it.

“Flee from sexual immorality” (1 Cor. 6:18).

The Greek word for “flee” in this passage is an exaggerated form of the word “repent” that means (roughly) to turn and run from something. I once played golf on a course in Florida that was home to many large alligators (don’t get distracted — my lack of judgment is not the point here). Every hole had big blue and white signs on it that said (I’m paraphrasing): “DANGER: ALLIGA¬TORS PRESENT. DO NOT FEED OR APPROACH ALLIGATORS. IF YOU ENCOUNTER AN ALLIGATOR, FLEE IMMEDIATELY.”

Now, we could quibble about exactly what “flee” means here. It might mean “run in the other direction.” It might mean “walk in the other direction.” What it certainly does not mean is “attempt to carefully indulge your interest in alligators by taking your 5-iron, walking up to the alligator, and seeing how many times you can poke it without becoming its mid-afternoon snack.”

Scripture is replete with statements that sexual immorality leads to death, that it is idolatry, and that those who are characterized by it will not enter the kingdom of heaven (Check out 1 Cor. 6:12 and following, among many others). In addition to 1 Cor. 6, other passages explicitly tell us that sexual immorality is not something to flirt with. Romans 13 (right after speaking positively of how and why to selflessly love one another) admonishes us not even to “think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature.” Ephesians 5 tells us that there must not be “even a hint of sexual immorality” among the followers of Christ. If you want to think through this idea well, take your concordance and look at what the Bible has to say collectively about sexual sin of all types. It’s intensely sobering.

The question is not “How far can I go in indulging my desires for sexual gratification or intimacy without getting too close to this thing the Bible utterly rejects?” The question we should all ask — in any area of our lives — is “How can I best pursue that to which God in His Word has positively called me?” He has called us all to pursue holiness and purity in our personal lives. That leaves little room for intentional flirtation with any sin, sexual or otherwise.

By Scott Croft in the Guy’s Guide to Marrying Well

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The Truth About Sex Series Continues Tonight
Sunday, June 7, 2009 at 6:00PM

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As I sit in front of my computer, I am reminded of the many relationship mistakes I have made over the years. I try to downplay and claim convenient amnesia to the number of mistakes that have transpired in my life, but God keeps them fresh atop my mind in order to eventually invoke change in my behavior. One of things men as a whole enjoy, is the chase or pursuit of a woman they want to learn more about. All through high school, college and even into my early professional life I aligned myself with this practice, but failed to address another very important element in relationships. What happens when the chase is over?

Once the chase or pursuit comes to a halt, another major crossroad is reached and one has to assess whether to be satisfied with the woman he has worked hard or somewhat hard to connect with? Or do you declare victory and press on towards the next challenge? Far too long I opted for the latter because of the chess match and adrenaline rush that accompanies each new pursuit. As many men have stated before…“There is no feeling like claiming victory with a new woman (paraphrased of course )!” Unfortunately, the result of this theory positioned me to always be on the lookout for the next challenge, curiosity or relationship pursuit. Is this representative of a fear of commitment? Some may say yes…but I adamantly say NO! I call it a bad case of the male curiosity syndrome.

Curiosity is one of those things that work as an asset in life because it leads to the discovery of new things. It can also serve as a liability because it can place you in a position of split-second decision-making and progressive trouble. My mother used to tell me and my brother that “Curiosity kills the cat!” Her advice/warning simply meant that more often than not, our curiosities in life will lead to trouble. Fortunately, my curiosities have not yet killed me, but have positioned me to take a hard look at seriously evaluating when the chase is no longer worth it. To my brothers, I also encourage you to take the challenge of evaluating the importance of the chase and when it becomes detrimental to your overall purpose in life.

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The Truth About Sex Series Begins
Sunday, May 31, 2009 at 6:00PM

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