Over the weekend I had an opportunity to sit and chat with a number of different people and of course the topic of relationships came up. Not surprising, a number of questions were directed to me because of the transition I’m currently making from being unmarried. I don’t know why, being someone who has shared information about relationships for years, I feel even more certain about the perspectives I’m now able to share.
Allow me to set the landscape for my views.
First, I live in Atlanta, GA, which is home to many of the most beautiful, intelligent and successful women in the world. People often ask how any man can be single in this city…lol. However, I have to remind them that if those characteristics were the only ones that mattered, a lot more men (including myself) would already be married.
Secondly, after making a number of misguided choices in my younger years, I also made a MATURE decision to avoid momentary infatuation so I could pursue long-term love. I’ve learned that sometimes you have to disconnect your eyes so you can truly see people for who they really are.
Lastly, I made a commitment to advocate abstinence so sex wouldn’t become a distractor in pursuit of evaluating someone’s character. A friend of mine shared a quote and I wish I knew the source so I could provide credit.
“Sex only reveals how much someone loves sex, not how much they love YOU!”-Unknown
Now you might not necessarily agree with this quote, but sex can be a selfish act…especially when it’s not with someone you’re in covenant with. This isn’t a post about abstinence, so let me get re-focused.
Here are the 5 reasons I’m making a decision to marry:
1. I value her friendship – There is nothing more rewarding than making a decision to share your life with someone you truly value as a friend. Tamiko and I met back in 2011 and created a foundation of friendship BEFORE we ever went out on a date. I knew her sphere of influence, her values, how she treated others and what drove her purpose before asking her to Cirque du Soleil in 2012. It’s a foreign concept in today’s microwave society, but a romantic relationship without the foundation of friendship is destined to fail.
2. We have established an environment of trust – This is actually a byproduct of having become friends first. Our interaction as friends allowed me to build a level of trust and comfort to open-up to her. It also made me want to pursue her more seriously. Trust is the single most important element in making a man open-up his heart, mind and soul to you. A number of women often ask “Why don’t men communicate with me?” The answer is simple…he doesn’t trust you yet.
3. We enhance each other’s purpose – No relationship/marriage means much if it doesn’t result in a greater purpose. A number of individuals are in relationships that don’t enhance their lives, but actually restrict their lives. If your relationship feels like a weight instead of a sail, please reconsider the person you are with. I look forward to marriage because I can actually see us enhancing each other’s purpose both individually and jointly.
4. I respect her – There is something powerful about establishing a level of respect. I know her personal story of triumph and respect the woman she’s become as a result of her experiences. She is battle-tested and I know she doesn’t easily quit. I know the journey and sacrifices she’s made for her children. My respect for her is something that enhances my attraction towards her. Respect takes my attraction toward her beyond the physical beauty she possesses.
5. She has the ‘it’ factor – The ‘it’ factor is often ignored. There’s something about being so in synch with someone that you’re able to communicate without saying a single word. Being able to anticipate someone’s needs is something you can’t place a value on. The ‘it’ factor can’t be manufactured, either a person has ‘it’ or they don’t. There are a number of women who might have better resumes than Tamiko. However, her ‘it’ factor is a lot more valuable to me for the life I envision for me and my family.
Making a decision to marry goes a lot deeper than what restaurant you go to on the first date, who picks-up the tab or what gift you receive on Christmas. After sitting down with my parents, who have celebrated 40+ years of marriage, they shared two pieces of advice. Learn how to communicate. Learn how to sacrifice. Yep…my 5 reasons make me want to do both for her.