My Transition – The Struggle to Shift My Mindset
First, I would like to say I’m totally blown away by the amount of responses my initial ‘Transition’ blog created. I never fathomed it would create such a response, but it’s definitely a pleasant surprise. I want to allow people to be a part of my transition from a single, celibate man to the next leg of my life journey. People have witnessed my public journey since 2005 and it’s only fair that I show what happens when God moves in your life.
One of the major struggles I continue to experience in preparing to transition into engagement, and subsequently marriage, is dealing with shifting my bachelor mindset. As I received confirmation about Tamiko being the woman for me, I had to break out of my comfort zone of being a bachelor mentally. For the past several years I’ve been able to come and go as I please, talk with whomever I please and go out with whomever I please. This may seem trivial to you, but I really believe that when you identify ‘The One,’ you become motivated to take on even more of a sacrificial mindset and change your behavior. I don’t want to follow the footsteps of so many others who live a single life within the covenant of marriage because that’s one of the issues with marriages today!
I also believe that marriage is a covenant that shouldn’t be taken for granted when God sends you someone special. I asked God for a God-fearing, beautiful, purpose-driven, nurturing, compassionate and fun woman who can come alongside of me for a greater combined purpose. Tamiko embodies these traits and so many more. The last thing I want to do is mess that up because I wasn’t willing to give up my bachelor mindset.
I will admit that it’s difficult changing ways that have become so very familiar. I once spent my time conversing, hanging-out and sharing special life experiences with a number of women who I considered to be friends. However, I am a believer that when you find ‘The One’ she becomes the vessel you pour all of those fun, challenging and special moments into. Fortunately, I have found her!
The hard part is seeing the distance begin to mount between yourself and the others who have been a part of your life. I know many may say it’s okay to retain friends, which I agree. However, I don’t think it’s wise to entertain a lot of CLOSE opposite-sex friends. Think about how you would feel seeing your husband or wife hanging-out with his/her opposite-sex friend(s)? I have willingly taken a step back from my opposite-sex friends’ lives once they’ve gotten married. I believe it’s the right thing to do. I also believe you have to release familiarity in order to experience what is deemed extraordinary by God. It’s tough to hold onto and catch something at the same time.
I have learned over time to be open to change and I look forward to seeing how my mindset matures and develops as I transition into a loving husband and prayerfully a loving father.