Don’t Get it Twisted!!!

The main question I’ve been asked by several women readers is this… ‘Are there any men willing to accept a woman’s preference to remain celibate?’ This question is asked because there is already a perceived shortage of quality men that exist in this world we live in. However, it is valid because if you as a virtuous woman place another requirement on your potential mate will you ever find him? The answer is this…I’ve found that there are men in the church who desire to live a life of purity and who wish to adhere to the commandments of God. There are some men that will require your encouragement and guidance along the journey, but isn’t that a key component of what helpmeet does? You have to outline your desires upfront and establish boundaries that are clearly defined to any potential suitors in your life. Men are visual creatures and will typically encounter the greater turbulence in the pursuit of purity. The main thing is to be able to evaluate a man’s ‘true heart’ and not become sidetracked if he has a momentary ‘flesh moment.’ ALL men (including casual churchgoers, ushers, preachers, deacons and other church leaders) will test your boundaries at some point during the journey. Be Strong!

Ask yourself this question, “Have I gained any advantage by giving myself sexually to the men I was with in the past?” If you are currently unmarried and not a virgin, then the answer is NO! The men you have sexually connected to in the past have taken a piece of you that you can no longer retrieve and you only have experience to show for it. Sex typically delays the destiny of a relationship headed for failure. There is no correlation between giving yourself sexually and the success of relationships. None! Not only do you connect yourself to someone who is undeserving, but you also disappoint your heavenly Father who watches over you.

Don’t get it twisted…I have also come to find out that many women will test boundaries in this journey so it’s definitely a two-way responsibility by both involved parties. Throughout my journey I’ve had experiences where I’ve gotten caught-up in my flesh and had to be ‘checked’ by the woman I was with. I have also been ‘tested’ by women I have gone out with and had to reject sexual advances that were made towards me. At the end of the day, it takes two dedicated individuals to pursue relational purity. When one is weak the other one needs to be strong and vice versa.

Is anyone perfect? NO! So if you stumble during your pursuit, then get yourself up, brush yourself off, repent and get back on the road that you know God desires for you. IT IS A CONSTANT STRUGGLE AND IS NOT EASY!!! However, God always provides a way of escape for difficult and compromising situations. During potentially intimate moments your cell phone may ring, you may receive a text message from friend, the Holy Spirit may convict you, but you have to be willing to recognize the signs when they appear. There is a constant war between flesh and spirit and Paul describes it best in Romans 7:14-25. Check it out as a devotional reading! Peace and blessings.

6 comments for “Don’t Get it Twisted!!!

  1. CLASSY CHASS
    January 4, 2008 at 2:43 PM

    These are very true statements. Everyone in a relationship really needs to heed this advice. The war between flesh and spirit is never ending, it seems.

    Thanks, KP, for the motivational words of wisdom!

    C

  2. Lena
    January 4, 2008 at 3:28 PM

    Very encouraging. There is a strong belief that you have to sleep with him to keep him, but for those of us that have already gone that route, it’s certainly not proven. When someone really loves you, and knows he wants to be with yuou, even if he’s not doing it for the same reasons, he’ll play by your rules.

  3. First Lady
    January 4, 2008 at 4:04 PM

    I have personally been in a relationship for 5+ years with a man that had the same belief system I did and we remained celibate the entire time. So, it is possible. But, I do believe that both people have to be on the same page. It rarely works when one individual believes that premarital sex is a sin and the other sees it as recreation. Furthermore, I agree with lena. When it comes down to it, you have to respect yourself and love God more than you love the individual. You have to make a choice. While this is easier said than done, I ALWAYS enter relationships asking God for discernment and wisdom. Because I tend to fall quickly, this is a necessity for me to protect my heart and control my flesh. God is faithful and everytime, when i’m about to fall and i have earnestly prayed, He sends that way of escape through my cell phone or house phone or text, or whatever. I still believe true love waits….no matter what. Besides that…you’re worth it. All in all, it’s a constant struggle, so just make sure you are equally yoked and that way you can BOTH hold each other accountable. Rarely, in a God-centered relationship are both parties weak at the same time. That’s how faithful God is!

  4. Anonymous
    January 4, 2008 at 11:25 PM

    Khalid I have this one question that I would like you to answer with the percentages of men in jail,disenfranchised,uneducated,sick from diseses,gay and on the DL then explain to me HOW WILL WOMEN THESE DAYS WITH A NICE SIZE RATIO BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN ARE SO DISPAIRINGLY DIFFERENT HOW WILL ALL THESE WOMEN EVER HAVE MAN FOR THEMSELVES IN A MONOGOMOUS COMMITTED LONG TERM MARRIAGE OR RELATIONSHIP ESP. IF THEY OBEY GOD AND WHEN THEY BELIEVE THEY WILL BE BLESSED WITH THIS OPPORTUNITY OR WILL THEY HAVE TO JUST ACCEPT THEIR SINGLENESS???????

  5. TooBlessedToBeStressed
    January 5, 2008 at 12:09 AM

    I recently had a tempting encounter where I was literally praying for God to provide the escape route necessary for me to be removed from that situation. I was praying that He intervened to the point where I wouldn’t stumble and that the guy would understand my position without becoming too upset. I’d rejected his advances before and he would get sour for quite a long time afterward. We aren’t even close to being on the same page, so I’m not considering a serious relationship with him but I’m not blind either lol. But as Kenny stated, men will test your boundaries. I came out of the situation victorious and I’m still cool with the guy, but I definitely try not to be alone with him at any point or for longer than a few minutes. :)

    I think that Kenny’s advice works for those dating inexclusively as well as for those in relationships, Classy Chass. The pressure comes in both types of dating.

    Major kudos to First Lady for maintaining, and for FIVE YEARS!! that’s awesome!

    As for the anonymous poster’s comment, the Word says that it is better for us to be single because we can commit ourselves to serving God more, but it also says that if we remain in God and His words remain in us, we can ask for WHATEVER and it will be given to us. If His Word is truly in you, you will be asking for things already in His will so He won’t mind giving you the desires of your heart, which apparently for you is a spouse. My comment to you is to maintain your faith and make sure YOU are ready for the mate that God is preparing for you. You definitely don’t want to get him before the appointed time. Be patient. I know it’s easier said than done, but you want the BEST that God has planned for you and not one of the duds you mentioned.

  6. KP
    January 5, 2008 at 4:11 AM

    Anonymous…I will address your question in a future post so stay tuned. The issues you raise are common in the body, but I will share an alternative view that may shed some light.

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